Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
