Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
