if i can run in heels then i can drive
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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