I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
