Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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