The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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