Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
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