He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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