there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You are the jesus of drinking
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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