I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
