i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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