Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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