Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
BRING THE BAGELS
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
