Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
