How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
