My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
