I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
there is puke in my bra ... again
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize