I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
