Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
