ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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