this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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