But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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