So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
