shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
