he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
