I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
