my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
