you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
