good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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