You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize