Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
