All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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