Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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