Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm at about main and main street
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
