I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So much Jack, so little girl.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
