Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
