I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
