im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
