Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i would punch a child for taco bell
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
