I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
