so that wasnt chicken after all
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
