I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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