Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
