Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
