whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
