Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
God, I missed his penis.
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