okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she peed on how many people?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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