Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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