Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize