My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
