i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
