Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
