haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
