Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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