I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
