I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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