Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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