I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
