I got chris browned last night
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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