He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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