I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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