i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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