I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just google imaged poop.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
