if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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