When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
