There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
