I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize