His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Let's get the cat blown out
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
