Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
