Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
