I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
