Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
