I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
