I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
