His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
