Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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