it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
there is glitter all over my balls
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
